Chapter 13 Exercises: Self-Esteem, Self-Perception, and Desirability

Chapter 13 Exercises: Self-Esteem, Self-Perception, and Desirability

Exercise 13.1 — Sociometer Audit (Individual Reflection, 15–20 minutes)

Leary's sociometer theory holds that self-esteem tracks perceived social acceptance. This exercise asks you to observe this process in yourself.

For the next three days, keep a brief journal tracking moments when you notice your self-esteem shifting. You don't need to track every moment — just the notable ones. For each entry, note:

The situation: What happened? Who was involved?
The signal: What social feedback did you receive — explicit or implicit?
The response: What happened to your sense of self-worth?
The domain: Was this a romantic context, a professional context, a friendship context, or something else?

After three days, review your entries and write a one-page reflection addressing these questions: - In which domains do your self-esteem fluctuations seem most pronounced? - What kinds of signals — from whom — have the most impact? - Does the pattern support sociometer theory's claim that self-esteem is primarily social in its functioning? - What does this suggest about how your self-esteem responds to romantic contexts specifically?

Discussion prompt: In a small group, share (only what you're comfortable sharing) one observation from your sociometer audit. How similar or different are people's patterns? What might explain the differences?

Exercise 13.2 — Decoding the Comparison Environment (Pair or Small Group, 25–30 minutes)

This exercise examines how social media environments structure upward comparison in desirability contexts.

Part A (Individual, 10 minutes): Open Instagram, TikTok, or whichever platform you use most. Scroll for five minutes as you normally would. Then close the app and note: - What were you comparing? (Physical appearance? Relationship status? Social life? Multiple things?) - Who were you comparing to? (People you know? Influencers? Strangers?) - How did you feel after scrolling compared to before? - Did any of the comparison feel romantic in nature — evaluating your own desirability relative to people you saw?

Part B (Pair discussion, 15 minutes): Share your observations with a partner (again, only what you're comfortable sharing). Then discuss: 1. How does the platform design encourage or amplify comparison? What features specifically? 2. The chapter discusses the difference between mere exposure to curated images and internalization of the standards they represent. Did your scrolling feel more like exposure or internalization for you personally? 3. What would a healthier comparison environment look like? Is it possible within existing platform architectures, or would structural changes be required?

Exercise 13.3 — The Confidence Loop Analysis (Written Assignment, 400–500 words)

The chapter describes a "confidence-attractiveness loop" that can operate in either direction. Write a short analytical essay responding to this prompt:

The argument: A popular self-help framework says that confidence is attractive, therefore anyone can improve their romantic prospects by cultivating confident behavior regardless of other factors. Evaluate this claim using the conceptual tools from the chapter.

Your essay should: - Accurately describe what the confidence-attractiveness loop actually says (both directions) - Identify what this popular argument gets right - Identify what it misses, oversimplifies, or ignores - Draw on at least two concepts from the chapter (e.g., sociometer theory, sociological critique of beauty standards, racial dimensions of desirability) - Conclude with your assessment: under what conditions is the "cultivate confidence" advice useful, and under what conditions is it insufficient or even harmful?

This is not a personal reflection essay — it should be analytical and use the chapter's conceptual framework throughout.

Exercise 13.4 — Intersectionality and Self-Perceived Desirability (Critical Analysis, Individual)

The chapter discusses how racial identity shapes self-perceived romantic desirability, using Sam's experience as an entry point.

Step 1 (Research): Find one of the following (accessible via most university library systems): - The OkCupid "Race and Attraction" blog post data summary (2014) - Yoon (2012) "Racial identity and racial discrimination in dating" - A peer-reviewed study on racial preferences in online dating of your choice

Step 2 (Written response, 300–400 words): Write a response addressing: - What does the source reveal about how racial categories structure romantic desirability in the U.S.? - How might these patterns affect self-perceived desirability for members of racially devalued groups? - The chapter distinguishes between the sociometer "reading the room accurately" and "the room having bad information." Apply this distinction to the findings from your source. - What does this imply about the appropriate response — individual-level intervention, structural critique, or both?

Step 3 (Optional extension): Find one source that argues for the other position — e.g., that racial dating preferences are simply preferences that should not be pathologized. Write a brief response evaluating both perspectives.

Exercise 13.5 — Authentic vs. Strategic Self-Presentation (Role-play or Scenario Analysis)

This exercise can be done as a brief in-class role-play or as a written scenario analysis.

Scenario: You are getting ready for a first date. Think about (or write down) the answers to these questions: 1. What aspects of yourself are you most likely to lead with? Why? 2. What aspects of yourself are you most likely to downplay or not mention yet? Why? 3. Where is the line between strategic presentation and misrepresentation? 4. If the other person is doing the same strategic presentation, how might that affect the authenticity of the encounter?

Discussion (or written reflection): The chapter distinguishes between impression management (normal, universal) and the problematic gap that occurs when presented self and actual self become too far apart.

Using Goffman's dramaturgical model, analyze a scenario in which strategic self-presentation in early courtship creates problems for a relationship later on. What would need to be true about the initial presentation for problems to emerge? What does this suggest about the ethics and pragmatics of courtship self-presentation?

Exercise 13.6 — Structured Debate: Does Therapy Help When the Problem Is Structural?

Setup: The chapter notes the tension between individual-level therapeutic interventions (CBT, ACT) and structural critiques of beauty norms and racial desirability hierarchies.

The proposition: "Individual therapy for romantic self-esteem issues is insufficient and potentially harmful because it treats the symptom (low self-esteem) while leaving the cause (unjust social hierarchies) unaddressed."

Debate format: - Divide into two groups: those arguing FOR the proposition and those arguing AGAINST - Each group has 10 minutes to prepare - Two-minute opening statements, five-minute discussion, two-minute closing statements - The class votes on which arguments were most persuasive (not which position is "right")

Debrief questions: - Can both individual therapy and structural critique be valid simultaneously? - Does this debate reveal anything about how we assign responsibility for romantic suffering? - What would a response to romantic self-esteem problems that integrated both individual and structural perspectives look like?