Chapter 25: Exercises

Comprehension Check

1. Explain the Michelangelo effect. How does it contradict the "you can't change anyone" doctrine? 2. What does Knee's (1998) research show about "destiny beliefs" vs. "growth beliefs" in relationships? 3. List Gottman's Four Horsemen and their specific antidotes. 4. What is the difference between "masters" and "disasters" in Gottman's research? 5. Why is the "effortless love" ideal contradicted by longitudinal relationship research?

Application

6. Think of a long-term relationship (romantic, friendship, or family). In what specific ways has the other person influenced your behavior, health, or personal growth? In what ways have you influenced theirs? 7. Apply Gottman's "bids for connection" framework to your daily interactions. Over one day, notice bids you make and bids made to you. How often are they recognized and reciprocated? 8. Identify one instance where you (or someone you know) used the "you can't change anyone" doctrine to avoid addressing a relationship problem. How might the situation have been different with a "growth beliefs" approach? 9. Practice the antidote to one of the Four Horsemen this week: use a gentle startup instead of criticism, express appreciation instead of contempt, take responsibility instead of being defensive, or self-soothe instead of stonewalling. 10. Apply the toolkit to: "If they wanted to, they would." Is this claim supported by relationship research?

Critical Thinking

11. The Michelangelo effect shows partners shape each other's growth. Where is the line between "supportive growth encouragement" and "trying to change your partner into someone they're not"? 12. The "soulmate" belief is associated with worse outcomes. But it's also one of the most romantic ideas in culture. Is there a way to maintain romantic ideals while adopting growth beliefs? 13. Gottman's antidotes are skills that can be learned. Should these skills be taught in schools? What would relationship skills education look like? 14. The chapter argues that acceptance and change are not opposites. How do you simultaneously accept your partner's flaws AND support their development? 15. If Gottman can predict divorce at 90% accuracy from behavioral patterns, should couples be "screened" before marriage? What are the ethical implications?

Fact-Check Portfolio

16. Complete your Part V assessment. For any claims involving relationships, love, attraction, or partner behavior: - Replace pop frameworks with evidence-based alternatives where applicable - Note which claims survived the chapters and which didn't - Finalize your evidence ratings for relationship claims.