Quiz — Chapter 17: Conflict Resolution and Difficult Conversations

25 questions. Answer key at end.

1. Research on long-term relationship satisfaction consistently finds that:

A) Highly satisfied couples rarely conflict — they have learned to resolve differences before they become conflicts B) Highly satisfied couples have conflict but resolve it more effectively and repair more quickly than distressed couples C) The frequency of conflict is the strongest predictor of relationship dissatisfaction D) Satisfied couples tend to accommodate each other's preferences rather than competing or collaborating

2. In the Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode model, "collaborating" is defined as:

A) Both parties giving up something to reach a workable agreement B) High assertiveness and high cooperativeness — fully engaging with both parties' concerns to find a solution that satisfies both C) Low assertiveness and high cooperativeness — prioritizing the other person's concerns over your own D) Medium assertiveness and medium cooperativeness — the balanced middle ground of conflict styles

3. Hostile attribution bias in conflict refers to:

A) Blaming the conflict on structural causes (power imbalance, systemic issues) rather than interpersonal ones B) The tendency to attribute ambiguous behavior to malicious intent, which consistently predicts escalation C) The bias toward hostile conflict styles (competing) in high-stakes situations D) The tendency to see conflict as a personal attack rather than a difference of perspective

4. According to Gottman's research, productive conversation becomes physiologically unlikely when a person's heart rate exceeds approximately:

A) 75 beats per minute B) 85 beats per minute C) 100 beats per minute D) 120 beats per minute

5. The distinction between "positions" and "interests" in conflict resolution (Fisher and Ury) is:

A) Positions are legitimate needs; interests are strategic negotiating stances B) Positions are what you say you want; interests are the underlying needs the positions are designed to meet C) Positions are short-term wants; interests are long-term goals D) Positions are public; interests are private

6. Interest-based negotiation is superior to positional negotiation because:

A) It always produces outcomes that satisfy both parties completely B) It reveals possible solutions that are not visible when the conversation is confined to stated positions C) It is less emotionally demanding than positional negotiation D) It is more appropriate in adversarial contexts than positional negotiation

7. A BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) is important in conflict because:

A) It gives you a fallback position in case the negotiation fails B) Knowing your BATNA tells you whether any negotiated agreement is preferable to walking away, and strengthens negotiating position when alternatives are available C) A strong BATNA reduces the emotional cost of conflict D) BATNA is primarily relevant in formal negotiation, not in relational conflict

8. Which of the following is a "soft start-up" — the conflict opening style associated with better outcomes?

A) "We need to talk about the way you've been treating me lately." B) "I want you to know that I'm not angry, but I am hurt, and I've been waiting for the right time to tell you." C) "When we got home last night and you went straight to the computer, I felt disconnected. Can we talk about that?" D) "I know you're busy, but we have a problem that I can't ignore anymore."

9. Gottman describes "repair attempts" as particularly important because:

A) They are the primary mechanism by which conflicts are resolved B) They are verbal or behavioral signals designed to de-escalate during conflict — and whether they are received, not just offered, predicts relationship success C) Couples who make frequent repair attempts report higher immediate satisfaction after conflicts D) Repair attempts are effective only when offered immediately after the triggering behavior

10. In Gottman's conflict model, approximately what percentage of conflicts in long-term relationships are "perpetual problems" — recurring differences that will not be resolved?

A) 30% B) 50% C) 69% D) 85%

11. "Gridlock" on a perpetual problem refers to:

A) When two people cannot even identify what the underlying perpetual problem is B) When a couple is unable to discuss a perpetual problem without contempt or flooding — stuck at a level of intensity that prevents any workable accommodation C) When a perpetual problem has escalated into a crisis requiring external intervention D) When both parties are committed to their positions and no compromise is possible

12. Which of the following is a genuine apology?

A) "I'm sorry you felt hurt by what I said." B) "I'm sorry I said that in front of your colleagues — I know that was embarrassing, and it was wrong of me. I want to be more careful about that in the future." C) "I'm sorry, but you have to understand how stressed I was." D) "I've already apologized. What more do you want from me?"

13. The research on forgiveness consistently finds that:

A) Forgiveness requires that the transgressor has first apologized genuinely B) Forgiveness is primarily for the transgressor's benefit — it repairs the relationship and communicates that the harm was not severe enough to end it C) Forgiveness is associated with better psychological and physical health outcomes for the person doing the forgiving D) Forgiveness is most effective when done in a single, deliberate decision rather than as a gradual process

14. Avoiding conflict is associated with:

A) Better long-term relationship satisfaction — people who avoid conflict preserve positive regard B) Higher short-term satisfaction but lower long-term satisfaction — avoidance prevents escalation but allows grievances to accumulate C) More consistent long-term relationship dissatisfaction than conflict itself — unaddressed grievances accumulate and emerge in more destructive ways D) Higher rates of explicit conflict — avoidance builds pressure that eventually produces explosive episodes

15. Thomas and Kilmann's "accommodating" conflict style (low assertiveness, high cooperativeness) is MOST appropriate when:

A) You are in a position of greater power and the other person needs to feel heard B) The issue matters more to the other person than to you, or when you recognize you are wrong and need to concede graciously C) The issue requires quick resolution and you have enough authority to impose a decision D) Both parties' interests are important and time is available for thorough exploration

16. Which of the following BEST describes Schnarch's concept of "differentiation" in the context of conflict?

A) The ability to distinguish your own emotional experience from the other person's during a conflict B) The capacity to maintain a clear sense of your own perspective while remaining emotionally connected to someone who disagrees with you C) The developmental achievement of learning to resolve conflicts without third-party assistance D) The skill of identifying which issues are worth fighting about and which should be accommodated

17. The chapter describes workplace conflict as distinct from relational conflict primarily because:

A) Workplace conflict is always about resources; relational conflict is always about identity B) Power differentials and limited exit options change what approaches are available and what risks they carry C) Workplace conflict is less emotionally intense because the relationship is not personally intimate D) Relational conflict is addressable through communication; workplace conflict requires formal processes

18. The "approval bind" in family conflict refers to:

A) The legal and social obligations that bind family members together during conflicts B) The tendency of adult children to weight parental approval disproportionately, making family conflict feel like a verdict on identity rather than a disagreement between adults C) The bind created when one family member seeks approval from others to take sides in a conflict D) The family system's mechanism for maintaining homeostasis by preventing any single member from changing

19. Fisher and Ury's orange example (two people arguing over one orange — one wants the rind, one wants the juice) illustrates:

A) The importance of compromise — splitting resources fairly between competing claimants B) How interest-based negotiation reveals that both parties can fully have what they actually need when their underlying interests are surfaced C) The zero-sum nature of resource conflicts — one person's gain is the other's loss D) The value of collaborative brainstorming in finding creative solutions that neither party initially considered

20. Which Thomas-Kilmann style is MOST associated with losing self-esteem over time in close relationships when used consistently as a default?

A) Avoiding B) Compromising C) Accommodating D) Competing

21. The chapter's claim that "conflict avoidance is more costly than conflict itself" is BEST supported by which observation?

A) Couples who avoid conflict report higher immediate tension than couples who engage with it directly B) Avoiding conflict postpones rather than eliminates grievances — they accumulate and eventually emerge in more destructive forms (contempt, sudden explosions, gradual withdrawal) C) Conflict avoidance is associated with higher physiological arousal over time — the body maintains the stress of unexpressed conflict D) People who avoid conflict are less able to develop the communication skills that would make conflict productive

22. According to Edmondson's research on workplace conflict, the organizational condition most enabling productive conflict is:

A) Clear hierarchy — employees feel comfortable raising concerns when authority is transparent B) A conflict resolution policy that provides formal mechanisms for addressing disputes C) Psychological safety — the belief that one can speak up about concerns without fear of punishment D) Regular team meetings where all concerns can be addressed systematically

23. Which of the following BEST characterizes the role of physiological self-regulation (taking a break when flooded) in conflict resolution?

A) Taking a break communicates to the partner that the conflict is not worth continuing B) A break allows the body's arousal to return to a level compatible with deliberate processing, making productive conversation possible when resumed C) Physiological breaks are most effective when both parties take them simultaneously D) A break is only useful if accompanied by a genuine apology before returning to the conversation

24. The chapter's description of accepting an apology states that accepting requires:

A) Immediately feeling better and releasing the grievance entirely B) Trusting that the transgressor will not repeat the behavior C) Acknowledging the apology's genuineness and choosing to allow the repair process to begin — not closing the file, but allowing it to begin D) Explicitly stating that the behavior is forgiven and the matter is closed

25. The chapter's central claim about conflict is best captured by:

A) Conflict should be avoided when possible; when unavoidable, it should be resolved as quickly as possible to minimize damage B) Conflict is not the opposite of closeness — avoidance is. The quality of a relationship is determined not by the absence of conflict but by what happens when it arrives C) All conflicts can be resolved through sufficiently skilled communication and willingness to collaborate D) The key to conflict resolution is finding the right compromise — both parties accepting partial satisfaction as preferable to continued dispute

Answer Key