Chapter 26 Exercises: Reaching Agreement — From Confrontation to Collaboration

These exercises develop the skills of closing difficult conversations with genuine agreement, forming durable commitments, and documenting appropriately. Progress from foundational to applied.

Difficulty Key: - ★ — Foundational (recall, identify, describe) - ★★ — Intermediate (analyze, apply to scenarios) - ★★★ — Advanced (design, synthesize, apply to real situations)

Section A: What Agreement Actually Looks Like

Exercise 26-1 [Conceptual] ★ Describe the four types of agreement introduced in the chapter (full, partial, procedural, temporary) in your own words. For each, give one original example from a context outside the chapter's examples.

Exercise 26-2 [Conceptual] ★ What is "false agreement"? How is it different from genuine agreement? Why is false agreement potentially worse than no agreement?

Exercise 26-3 [Scenario] ★★ Read the following conversation ending and identify which warning signs of false agreement are present:

Priya: "I'm glad we talked. I think you understand where I'm coming from now." Dr. Harmon: "Absolutely. I hear you on the resource situation and I want to support the department." Priya: "I really appreciate that." Dr. Harmon: "Let's stay in touch on this." Priya: "Sounds good."

a) List every warning sign of false agreement present in this exchange. b) What specific elements are missing that would make this a genuine agreement? c) Write a rewritten version of this closing that produces genuine agreement.

Exercise 26-4 [Scenario] ★★ Classify each of the following conversation outcomes as full, partial, procedural, or temporary agreement. Explain your classification.

a) "We've agreed that the current meeting schedule isn't working. We haven't decided yet what the new schedule will be, but we're going to propose something to each other by Thursday." b) "Starting next week, you'll send status updates by Thursday noon. We'll check in on this in a month." c) "We've agreed that the workload is too high and something needs to change. We disagree about whether to hire someone or redistribute tasks." d) "From now on, I'll give you 48 hours' notice before switching shifts, and you'll help me find coverage if you can't take it." e) "Let's try having shorter one-on-ones — thirty minutes instead of an hour — and see if that's working in four weeks."

Exercise 26-5 [Applied] ★★★ Think of a conversation you've had in the past year that ended with what seemed like agreement but produced no real change. Looking back, what type was it — false agreement, partial agreement without follow-up, or something else? What specific elements were missing? What would you do differently now?

Section B: Clarifying, Confirming, Committing

Exercise 26-6 [Conceptual] ★ Describe the clarify-confirm-commit sequence. What does each step accomplish? Why is each necessary as a distinct step rather than a single "make sure we agree" move?

Exercise 26-7 [Scenario] ★★ Read the following clarifying statement and identify whether it is specific enough to function as a real clarification. If not, rewrite it to be appropriately specific.

a) "So it sounds like we're going to try to communicate better going forward." b) "So what I heard is: you'll send me a draft of the report by next Wednesday at 5 p.m., and if that changes, you'll tell me 24 hours before that deadline. Is that right?" c) "So you'll try to be more present during our conversations." d) "So starting this week, when you receive a direct assignment from anyone above me, you'll text me the same day with what it is and what the ask is. Is that what you meant?"

Exercise 26-8 [Scenario] ★★ Marcus has just had a conversation with his paralegal supervisor Diane about taking on additional weekly responsibilities. The conversation felt productive; Diane agreed the current workload was too heavy and said she'd "see what she could do" about the extra work. Using the clarify-confirm-commit sequence, write the three statements Marcus should make before the conversation ends.

Exercise 26-9 [Scenario] ★★ Jade and Devon have just had a real conversation about the shift-switching pattern. Devon has agreed to give advance notice. Before ending the conversation, Jade needs to apply clarify-confirm-commit.

Write: a) Jade's clarifying statement (specific, behavioral) b) Jade's confirming question c) Jade's committing statement (naming what Devon is specifically pledging)

Exercise 26-10 [Applied] ★★★ Identify an upcoming or recent conversation in your own life where an agreement is or was needed. Write out a full clarify-confirm-commit sequence you would (or could have) used to close it. Include: - The clarifying statement (specific, behavioral) - The confirming question - The committing statement (naming both parties' pledges if applicable)

Exercise 26-11 [Scenario] ★★ The chapter identifies several reasons people skip the committing step. List at least three and explain the counterargument to each — why the specificity of commitment is actually a sign of respect and good faith rather than distrust.

Section C: Partial and Temporary Agreements

Exercise 26-12 [Conceptual] ★ What makes a temporary agreement different from simply "not deciding yet"? What structural elements must a temporary agreement include to be a genuine agreement rather than a deferral?

Exercise 26-13 [Scenario] ★★ Dr. Priya and Dr. Harmon have agreed on some aspects of the resource situation but not all. Using the chapter's guidance, write the language Priya could use to: a) Explicitly ratify what they have agreed on b) Name what still needs to be resolved c) Propose a process for resolving the unresolved parts d) Create a temporary agreement about the immediate safety risk while the longer discussion continues

Exercise 26-14 [Scenario] ★★ The chapter describes three situations where it's appropriate not to force resolution: when flooding is occurring, when a new complexity has been surfaced, or when one party needs to consult others. For each situation, write the language a practitioner might use to pause without abandoning the conversation.

Exercise 26-15 [Applied] ★★★ Think of a conflict in your life where full resolution isn't currently available but partial or temporary agreement might create meaningful progress. Design a partial or temporary agreement for that situation, including: - What you're agreeing on now - What still needs to be resolved - A specific process for working toward resolution (with timeline) - If temporary: a specific trial period and scheduled reassessment date

Exercise 26-16 [Synthesis] ★★★ Sam and Tyler's first six conversations produced false agreements. Their seventh produced genuine agreement — but achieved it through interest-surfacing first, then options generation, then a full closing sequence. Map out the arc of their seventh conversation using the following categories: interest-surfacing, options generation, clarify-confirm-commit, implementation intentions, documentation. What was accomplished in each stage?

Section D: Getting Buy-In That Sticks

Exercise 26-17 [Conceptual] ★ Distinguish compliance from commitment. Give one example of each from a workplace context. Why does compliance tend to erode while commitment tends to persist?

Exercise 26-18 [Conceptual] ★★ According to Gollwitzer's research on implementation intentions, what is the specific mechanism by which "when X, I will Y" commitments outperform general commitments like "I will try to do better"? What two failure points do implementation intentions address?

Exercise 26-19 [Scenario] ★★ Convert each of the following general commitments into a specific implementation intention:

a) "I'll try to be less reactive in our conversations." b) "I'll give you more updates on the project." c) "I'll try to address things before they become a big problem." d) "I'll make the deadline next time." e) "I'll be more supportive when you're stressed."

Exercise 26-20 [Scenario] ★★ Design an implementation intention for a commitment that involves overcoming a specific obstacle. Use this formula: "I plan to do X. The main obstacle is Y. When Y occurs, I will Z."

Write this full structure for the following commitment: Jade plans to tell her boyfriend Leo when she needs space to process something difficult, rather than going silent. The main obstacle is that when she's upset, she shuts down and doesn't trust herself to speak.

Exercise 26-21 [Scenario] ★★ In Sam and Tyler's case, Sam needed to form her own implementation intentions for her commitments — not just Tyler's. Identify Sam's specific commitments in the case study. For each, write an implementation intention in the "when X, I will Y" format.

Exercise 26-22 [Applied] ★★★ Identify a behavioral change you've committed to in the past (in any context: academic, relational, health, professional) that you subsequently failed to follow through on. Using Gollwitzer's framework: a) Was your original commitment a general intention or an implementation intention? b) What were the specific failure points (remembering? re-deciding? obstacles)? c) Rewrite your original commitment as an implementation intention that addresses those failure points. d) If you were to commit to this change again, what accountability structure would you build in?

Exercise 26-23 [Conceptual] ★★ The chapter notes that the public commitment effect makes explicit, witnessed commitments more durable than private ones. How does the clarify-confirm-commit sequence leverage this effect? Why is the explicit verbal commitment ("I'm committing to...") not redundant with the earlier agreement?

Section E: Documenting Agreements

Exercise 26-24 [Conceptual] ★ According to the chapter, when does documentation add value to an agreement? List at least four situations where documentation is recommended. For each, explain what specific problem documentation solves.

Exercise 26-25 [Scenario] ★★ Classify each of the following agreements by appropriate documentation format (none needed, text confirmation, summary email, formal written summary). Explain your reasoning.

a) A conversation with your roommate about quieter late-night hours. b) A salary negotiation outcome with your employer. c) An agreement with a coworker to share meeting coverage responsibilities. d) A parenting agreement between divorcing partners about school pickup schedules. e) A conversation with your supervisor about flexible working hours. f) An agreement between friends about splitting expenses on a trip.

Exercise 26-26 [Scenario] ★★ Write a summary email based on the following conversation outcome:

Sam Nguyen and Tyler had a meeting where they agreed: - Tyler will flag any deadline risk as soon as he knows about it — specifically: when at the project midpoint and behind, Tyler sends Sam the deliverable name, original date, and revised estimate that day - Sam will give clear priority rankings when assigning new work - Sam will receive early flags as professional communication, not failure - They will meet every Tuesday at 9:30 a.m. for a fifteen-minute check-in - Two-week trial period with reassessment on [two weeks from the meeting date]

Write the summary email Sam should send within 24 hours. It should be brief, confirmatory, specific, and invite correction.

Exercise 26-27 [Applied] ★★★ Think of an agreement you've reached with someone in the past six months — personal or professional — that was not documented. In retrospect, would documentation have been valuable? If so, write the summary email or verbal confirmation script you should have used within 24 hours of the conversation.

Section F: Integration Exercises

Exercise 26-28 [Synthesis] ★★★ Design the full closing sequence for the following conversation:

Marcus has just had a productive conversation with his supervisor Diane about the additional case summary work. They've agreed that Marcus will take on the work for a trial period (three months) in exchange for: one afternoon per week protected from other assignments, acknowledgment in Marcus's mid-year review, and a formal revisit of the arrangement before it becomes permanent. Diane has also agreed to flag to the partners that the case summaries are coming from Marcus.

Write: a) Marcus's clarifying statement (specific, covering all elements) b) Diane's possible amendment or correction (you invent this) c) Marcus's confirming question d) The committing statements for both parties e) At least one implementation intention for each party f) A summary email Marcus could send within 24 hours

Exercise 26-29 [Synthesis] ★★★ Jade and Leo have had a difficult conversation about how Jade goes silent when she's overwhelmed — Leo feels shut out, Jade feels pressured to talk before she's ready. They've reached a temporary agreement: when Jade needs processing time, she'll tell Leo "I need a bit of time — I'll come back to you by [time]" rather than going silent without explanation. Leo will respect that request without pressing.

Design the full closing sequence: a) Clarify-confirm-commit for both parties' commitments b) Implementation intention for Jade's commitment (include the obstacle) c) Implementation intention for Leo's commitment (include the obstacle) d) Temporary agreement structure: what are they trying, for how long, when do they reassess? e) A brief text or verbal summary Jade could send Leo after the conversation

Exercise 26-30 [Synthesis] ★★★ Capstone Exercise: The chapter describes the difference between a conversation that ends with "vague good feeling but no actual commitment" and a conversation that produces genuine, sustained agreement.

Choose a conflict in your life — current or anticipated — and design the full closing sequence you would use: a) Identify what type of agreement is realistic and appropriate (full, partial, procedural, temporary) b) Write the clarifying statement c) Write the confirming question d) Write the committing statements (for both parties if applicable) e) Convert at least one commitment per party into an implementation intention f) Identify any accountability structures you'd build in (scheduled check-in, indicator of success, feedback channel) g) Determine whether documentation is appropriate and, if so, write the summary email or verbal confirmation script h) Reflect: what is the specific difference between how this conversation would previously have ended and how it will end now?