Chapter 30 Exercises: Confrontations with Strangers and Casual Acquaintances

Instructions

These exercises develop your skills for confrontation and intervention in public and stranger contexts. Some involve scenario analysis; others require real-world observation or practice. Exercises marked ★ are foundational; ★★ require deeper analysis; ★★★ involve sustained application or real-world engagement. Labels indicate exercise type: [Conceptual], [Scenario], [Applied], [Synthesis].

Exercise 30-1 ★ [Conceptual]

The Stakes Asymmetry

In Section 30.1, the chapter identifies an asymmetry in stranger confrontation: lower relational stakes but potentially higher safety stakes. In your own words: 1. Explain what this asymmetry means 2. Give a specific example of a stranger confrontation where the safety stakes are high despite minimal relational stakes 3. Give a specific example of a stranger confrontation where both relational and safety stakes are low 4. How does this asymmetry change the calculus of whether to engage compared to confrontation in ongoing relationships?

Exercise 30-2 ★ [Applied]

The Why-Bother Calculation

Apply the "Why Bother" calculation from Section 30.1 to each of the following scenarios. For each, decide whether to engage, not engage, or use a modified approach — and explain your reasoning.

A) A person in the supermarket express lane has twenty items when the limit is twelve. B) Someone at the library table next to you is playing a YouTube video with no headphones for the third time in twenty minutes. C) A car is parked in a designated accessible (disability) parking space with no visible permit. D) On a crowded subway, a man takes the center seat and immediately spreads his legs so wide that the two people flanking him cannot sit normally. E) A delivery driver has left their engine running and idling outside your apartment building for the past thirty minutes.

Exercise 30-3 ★ [Conceptual]

De-Personalized vs. Personalized Language

For each of the following confrontation openings, identify whether it uses personalized or de-personalized language. Then rewrite the personalized versions using de-personalized framing.

A) "You're being incredibly rude to the cashier right now." B) "The line starts back there — it's been moving slowly, and we've all been waiting." C) "You're blocking the entire bike lane." D) "That music is really loud for this space — would you mind using headphones?" E) "You're talking in a quiet car. That's inconsiderate." F) "Excuse me — there's a no-phone policy in this section."

Exercise 30-4 ★★ [Scenario]

Service Escalation Ladder Application

A hotel guest, Miriam, checks into her room and discovers it smells strongly of cigarette smoke despite requesting a non-smoking room. The front desk clerk apologizes and says there are no other rooms available. Miriam's stay is two nights for a work conference — she cannot simply leave.

Walk Miriam through the full Service Escalation Ladder: 1. What should she say to the front desk clerk (Step 1)? 2. If that fails, what should she say to the hotel manager (Step 2)? 3. If that fails, what written complaint channel is appropriate (Step 3)? 4. Is a regulatory or consumer protection channel appropriate here, and if so which (Step 4)? 5. Is a social/review channel appropriate here? Under what conditions?

For each step, write the specific language Miriam should use.

Exercise 30-5 ★ [Conceptual]

The Bystander Effect: Mechanisms

Darley and Latané identified three distinct mechanisms that contribute to the bystander effect. Define each in your own words and give a concrete example of each from a situation you have witnessed or can imagine: 1. Diffusion of responsibility 2. Pluralistic ignorance 3. Evaluation apprehension

Then explain: which mechanism do you think is hardest to overcome personally, and why?

Exercise 30-6 ★★ [Applied]

5D Strategy Selection

For each of the following bystander situations, identify which of the five 5D strategies (Direct, Distract, Delegate, Delay, Document) is most appropriate, and explain your reasoning. Then write the specific action or words you would use.

A) On a bus, a man is following a woman who has moved seats twice to get away from him. The driver is visible in the front.

B) In a restaurant, a customer is screaming at a young server in a way that is clearly personal and humiliating. Other diners are watching.

C) In a parking garage, a person appears to be having a medical episode — slumped against a car, unresponsive. Several other people are present and no one is acting.

D) On a sidewalk, a man is verbally harassing a woman who is walking away from him. He is large, agitated, and appears as though he has been drinking. You are small and alone.

E) A coworker mentions to you the following day that they were followed to their car last night by someone from the bar. They were fine, but shaken.

Exercise 30-7 ★ [Applied]

Script Writing: Public Space Conflicts

Write a specific, de-personalized script for each of the following public space situations. Your script should include: the opening statement, an anticipated pushback response, and your follow-up.

A) A person has their bag on the seat next to them on a packed transit car, leaving no room for others to sit.

B) Someone directly behind you at an outdoor event is loudly talking on a phone and has been for fifteen minutes during what is supposed to be a quiet performance.

C) A dog owner allows their dog to approach and jump on you without asking. You are afraid of dogs.

D) Someone cuts directly in front of you in a coffee shop queue after you have been waiting ten minutes.

Exercise 30-8 ★★ [Scenario]

Anonymous vs. Identified Stranger

Compare the following two situations and analyze how the anonymous vs. identified stranger distinction changes the approach:

Situation A: A driver you will never see again cuts you off aggressively and then, at a red light, leans out the window to yell at you.

Situation B: Your downstairs neighbor, whom you see in the hallway several times a week, plays loud music late on weeknights. You have never spoken directly.

For each: 1. What is your "why bother" calculation? 2. What approach is appropriate? 3. What are the risks specific to this type (anonymous vs. identified)? 4. Write the opening you would use for Situation B.

Exercise 30-9 ★ [Conceptual]

Writing vs. Speaking Complaints

Describe a service-related situation where each of the following would be the better choice. Explain your reasoning.

A) A verbal, in-the-moment confrontation with a service employee B) A written complaint submitted after leaving the establishment C) A formal regulatory complaint D) A public review (Yelp, Google, etc.)

What factors determine which channel is most appropriate? Are there situations where multiple channels should be used simultaneously?

Exercise 30-10 ★★ [Applied]

Risk Assessment Practice

Apply the Stranger Confrontation Risk Assessment Tool from Section 30.5 to each of the following scenarios. Score each indicator and determine the overall risk level and recommended approach.

Scenario A: In a coffee shop, a man at the next table has been speaking in an increasingly raised voice to someone on his phone for twenty minutes. He is well-dressed, not visibly intoxicated, and has not made eye contact or gestured toward anyone. Other customers are looking over but no one has said anything.

Scenario B: On a late-night subway, a person who appears intoxicated has been shouting and pacing between cars. They have not targeted anyone specifically but have gotten in the face of two passengers who looked at them. You are the only other person in the car.

Scenario C: A man in a park is loudly playing music from a portable speaker in an area marked as a quiet zone. He is sitting with a child, appears calm, and stops the music briefly when the child speaks to him. Several other parkgoers look annoyed.

Exercise 30-11 ★★★ [Applied]

Real-World Observation: Public Space Conflict

Over the next week, observe (without participating) at least one instance of public space tension — a near-conflict, an obvious social norm violation, a service encounter that becomes tense. After observing:

Describe what you saw, including the responses of bystanders.
Could you identify any of the bystander effect mechanisms (diffusion of responsibility, pluralistic ignorance, evaluation apprehension)?
Did anyone intervene? If so, what did they do and how did it land?
If you had intervened, what 5D approach would have been most appropriate?
What stopped you from intervening (if you did not)?

Exercise 30-12 ★★ [Scenario]

The Service Complaint: Written Practice

Choose one of the following service failure scenarios and write a complete written complaint that would be submitted to the company's customer service department. The complaint should be specific, factual, unemotional, and should clearly state: what happened, what the impact was, and what resolution you want.

A) An online grocery order was missing six items. You contacted customer service by chat and were told a refund would be issued in five to seven days. Fourteen days have passed.

B) A plumber arrived for a scheduled repair appointment two hours late, did not fix the problem, and charged the full rate. When you called to complain, you were told to schedule another appointment.

C) A prescription was filled incorrectly (wrong dosage) at a pharmacy. You discovered it before taking the medication but had to take time off work to return to the pharmacy and get it corrected.

Exercise 30-13 ★ [Conceptual]

Why Training Matters More Than Courage

The chapter and Case Study 30-1 both argue that bystander training contributes more to intervention than dispositional bravery. Explain this claim. What specifically does training provide that dispositional courage does not? Draw on the Darley and Latané research as well as the mechanics of Jade's intervention to support your argument.

Exercise 30-14 ★★ [Scenario]

The Escalating Service Encounter

Tom is at a fast-food counter. He ordered a burger without pickles; the burger arrived with pickles. He sent it back. The replacement also has pickles. He asks for a supervisor. The supervisor, rather than apologizing, tells Tom he is "making a big deal out of something small." Tom is allergic to pickles — this is, in fact, a significant issue.

At what points in this encounter should Tom have escalated, and to whom?
What was wrong with the supervisor's response, from a service management perspective?
Write the specific words Tom should say in response to "You're making a big deal out of something small."
What are Tom's options after the in-person escalation has failed?
If Tom posts a negative review, what should it say? What should it not say?

Exercise 30-15 ★★★ [Synthesis]

Designing a Bystander Training Session

Using the research in Case Study 30-2 and the 5D model from the chapter, design a one-hour bystander intervention training session for a community group of your choice (a college campus, a workplace, a religious community, a transit system). Your design should include:

Learning objectives (3–5, specific and measurable)
Session outline (with time allocations)
At least two role-play scenarios with debrief questions
How you would address the three bystander effect mechanisms in the content
How you would evaluate whether the training was effective

Exercise 30-16 ★★ [Applied]

De-escalation in Stranger Contexts

Section 30.5 identifies specific de-escalation approaches for stranger confrontation. Apply each of the following principles to a concrete scenario:

A) "Approach from the side rather than head-on" — describe a specific situation where this would matter and how you would execute it.

B) "Leave an exit available for both parties" — describe a situation where a bystander or confronter failed to do this, and what happened as a result.

C) "Avoid definitive statements that require 'winning'" — rewrite the following statement to be less confrontation-forcing: "You need to stop doing that right now. I'm not going to let you."

D) "Speak at moderate pace and volume" — how would you consciously modulate your voice if you were internally activated (heart racing, adrenaline up) and needed to speak calmly?

Exercise 30-17 ★ [Conceptual]

The Courage Cost and the Social Cost

The chapter identifies two costs of bystander intervention: the courage cost (internal) and the social cost (external). For each: 1. Give a concrete example of each cost in action 2. Explain how these costs vary across different social identities (gender, race, age, body size) 3. Is it fair to ask everyone to absorb these costs equally? Why or why not?

Exercise 30-18 ★★ [Scenario]

Audience Effects

You are on a subway platform. A man is shouting at a woman who appears to be his partner — not physically threatening, but loud, demeaning, and drawing stares. There are approximately twenty bystanders on the platform, all of whom are watching but not acting.

How does the presence of twenty bystanders affect your felt obligation to act?
Which bystander effect mechanisms are most clearly operating here?
What 5D approach would you choose and why?
How could you use the audience to your advantage if you decide to act?
What is the realistic risk of the man turning his hostility toward you if you intervene, and how should that risk factor into your decision?

Exercise 30-19 ★★★ [Synthesis]

Stranger Confrontation Across Character Profiles

Consider how each of the four main textbook characters — Marcus, Priya, Jade, and Sam — would approach the following scenario differently, based on their background, cultural context, and what we know about their conflict patterns:

Scenario: At a restaurant, a couple at the next table is having a loud argument that has been escalating. A child at that table looks frightened. The server has not intervened. The argument shows no signs of stopping.

For each character: 1. What would their initial internal reaction be? 2. What "Why Bother" calculation would they run? 3. Which 5D approach would they be most likely to choose? 4. What specific script or action would they use? 5. What would be their hardest internal obstacle to overcome?

Then answer: which approach do you think would be most effective, and why?

Exercise 30-20 ★★ [Scenario]

When NOT to Confront

The chapter is clear that some stranger situations should not be confronted directly. For each of the following, explain why direct confrontation is likely to be a poor choice and what the better approach is:

A) A man in a bar who has been making increasingly aggressive comments to a woman in his group, and who has already pushed back when a friend of the group tried to redirect him.

B) A person on the street who is clearly in a mental health crisis — talking loudly to no one visible, unpredictably switching direction, responding to apparent internal stimuli.

C) A group of teenagers who are writing graffiti on a wall in an alley at midnight. You are walking past alone.

D) A large dog off-leash in a dog-prohibited area whose owner is present but ignoring repeated signs. The dog has not threatened anyone but its behavior is unpredictable.

Exercise 30-21 ★★ [Applied]

The Document Strategy

You are in a parking lot and you witness a driver deliberately scratch another car with their key, then walk into a store. No one else appears to have seen it.

Should you document this? Why or why not?
If you document (video or written notes), what information should you capture?
What will you do with the documentation?
Would your answer change if the victimized car's owner was standing right there? If the perpetrator saw you recording?
Are there any legal or safety risks to documenting this situation that you should consider?

Exercise 30-22 ★★★ [Synthesis]

Chapter Integration: Your Stranger Confrontation Profile

Based on your work across this chapter's exercises, write a 400-word honest self-assessment of your approach to stranger confrontation and bystander situations. Address:

What is your default approach when you witness a public space violation? (Engage, ignore, leave, something else?)
Which of the three bystander effect mechanisms (diffusion of responsibility, pluralistic ignorance, evaluation apprehension) most affects you personally?
Which of the 5D strategies feels most natural to you? Which feels most difficult?
What is one situation from your past where you witnessed something you wished you had intervened in, and what stopped you?
After working through this chapter, what specifically — not vaguely — has changed about how you think about public intervention?