Chapter 39 Further Reading: Becoming a Confrontation Coach

Essential Readings

Noble, Cinnie. Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You (2014) Written by the founder of the CINERGY Conflict Management Coaching model, this book offers a rich collection of reflective questions designed for use in conflict coaching settings. Noble's approach is thoroughly non-directive — she trusts the coached person to have their own answers and offers questions as the primary tool. Both practitioners and informal helpers will find immediately applicable material.

Jones, Tricia S., and Ross Brinkert. Conflict Coaching: Conflict Management Strategies and Skills for the Individual (2008) The definitive academic and practical text on conflict coaching as a formal discipline. Covers the history of the field, the major models, and the research on effectiveness. Essential for anyone interested in developing formal coaching skills; also valuable for informal helpers who want to understand the field's theoretical foundations.

Rogers, Carl R. On Becoming a Person (1961) Rogers' foundational text on person-centered helping is as relevant today as when it was written. His core insight — that the helper's job is to create conditions for the person's own growth, not to impose solutions — is the root from which all coaching practice grows. The chapters on empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard are especially relevant to the helper role.

Mediation and Third-Party Intervention

Moore, Christopher. The Mediation Process: Practical Strategies for Resolving Conflict (4th ed., 2014) The most comprehensive practical guide to formal mediation. While written for professional mediators, the sections on the opening phase, storytelling, and interest-based negotiation translate well to informal contexts. The chapter on the mediator's various roles — from facilitative to evaluative — helps informal helpers understand the range of third-party stances available.

Folger, Joseph, and Robert Baruch Bush. The Promise of Mediation: The Transformative Approach to Conflict (2nd ed., 2004) A rigorous argument for transformative mediation — an approach that prioritizes the parties' own capacity for empowerment and recognition over resolution. Challenging and rewarding, this book offers a philosophical foundation for why the facilitating stance works and why directive approaches undermine what conflict intervention can accomplish.

Susskind, Lawrence, and Patrick Field. Dealing with an Angry Public: The Mutual Gains Approach to Resolving Disputes (1996) While focused on public conflict, Susskind's mutual gains approach — find the underlying interests beneath stated positions — is one of the most practically useful frameworks for any third-party intervention. The book includes detailed case studies and is more readable than its subtitle suggests.

The Psychology of Helping

Kline, Nancy. Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind (1999) One of the most practically influential books on the quality of attention. Kline argues that the quality of someone's thinking depends almost entirely on the quality of attention they receive. A short, accessible, and genuinely transformative read for anyone who wants to be a better helper.

Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (2012) The chapter on empathy vs. sympathy is particularly relevant here. Brown's distinction — empathy connects, sympathy disconnects — helps explain why the validating reflex that feels supportive can actually leave people more isolated. Her concept of "foyer empathy" (I'm uncomfortable so I quickly try to fix it) describes exactly the mechanism behind premature advice-giving.

Stone, Douglas, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (2010) Extensively cited throughout this textbook. Chapter 4, on the identity conversation, is particularly relevant to the coaching context — helping someone understand how their sense of self is shaping their conflict experience is one of the most useful things a coach can do.

Applied Research

De Dreu, Carsten K.W., and Laurie R. Weingart. "Task Versus Relationship Conflict, Team Performance, and Team Member Satisfaction: A Meta-Analysis." Journal of Applied Psychology 88(4), 741–749, 2003. The landmark meta-analysis demonstrating that task conflict becomes harmful when it escalates into relationship conflict, and that addressing conflict early is significantly more effective than addressing it after it has become entrenched. Essential empirical grounding for the value of early, informal intervention.

Bordin, Edward S. "The Generalizability of the Psychoanalytic Concept of the Working Alliance." Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice 16(3), 252–260, 1979. The foundational paper on therapeutic alliance. While written in a psychotherapy context, the finding — that the quality of the helper-client relationship is the strongest single predictor of outcome, more powerful than any specific technique — has been replicated across coaching and other helping contexts.

Watzlawick, Paul, John Weakland, and Richard Fisch. Change: Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution (1974) The classic systems theory text that underlies the finding that one party changing can produce change throughout a conflict system. The distinction between first-order change (doing more of the same) and second-order change (changing the pattern itself) is one of the most useful conceptual tools available for conflict helpers.

Coaching Ethics and Professional Development

Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR). Model Standards of Conduct for Mediators (2005) Available free at the ACR website. While written for professional mediators, the standards — particularly those around self-determination, impartiality, confidentiality, and professional competence — provide a useful ethical framework for anyone in a third-party role. Reading these standards as an informal helper will help you identify where your practice aligns with professional ethics and where you are making judgment calls.

Whittlesey, Vera. The Ethics of Coaching: A Practical Guide for Coaches, Supervisors, and Clients (2022) A recent and practically grounded text on coaching ethics. Covers the confidentiality tensions, the limits of competence, and the responsibilities of the helper role. Directly applicable to the ethical limits section of this chapter.

For Practitioners Considering Formal Training

If this chapter has sparked interest in developing formal conflict coaching or mediation skills, consider these pathways:

Conflict coaching training: The CINERGY Conflict Management Coaching model (developed by Cinnie Noble) and the Institute for Conflict Management offer professional training programs. Many university continuing education programs also offer introductory conflict coaching certificates.

Mediation training: The National Association for Community Mediation (NAFCM) maintains a directory of community mediation centers, many of which offer training programs. Most formal training requires 40 hours for basic certification. Specializations (family, workplace, commercial, international) require additional training.

Community mediation centers: Many cities have community mediation centers that accept volunteers and offer training in exchange for service. This is one of the most accessible ways to develop practical mediation experience under supervision.

The skills in this chapter are a genuine foundation. They can also be the beginning of something larger.