Case Study 1 — The Name She Chose
This case explores the most personal part of the chapter: what to do with your own name when it doesn't fit easily into the new culture. It deliberately does not push you toward keeping your name or toward anglicizing it. The lesson is about choosing consciously rather than being pushed.
Composite: Xiaoli, a graduate student who moved from Shanghai, China, to the United States.
The situation
Xiaoli (pronounced roughly "shao-lee") arrives for her master's program. In her first week, she watches Americans struggle with her name — some brace visibly before attempting it, some shorten it without asking, one professor says "I'll just call you... is there an English name you go by?" She feels a small sting each time. She faces a choice that millions of international students face: keep her name and teach it, or adopt an English name.
Two wrong ways to decide
The chapter warns against two errors — and Xiaoli nearly makes both.
Error one: surrendering by default. In the first weeks, exhausted and not wanting to be "difficult," Xiaoli almost lets the professor assign her a random English name. This would be the name chosen by someone else's impatience — not a choice at all, but a small erasure she didn't consent to. Something in her resists, and she's right to: a name imposed to spare others effort is the thing to avoid.
Error two: rigid principle without reflection. A friend tells her, "Never change your name — anglicizing is giving in to cultural pressure; it's a betrayal." Xiaoli feels the pull of this too. But on reflection she notices it's just the opposite pressure — another person telling her what her name must be. Both the professor and the friend are deciding for her.
Working it through
Xiaoli realizes the chapter's real point: the name is hers, and so is the decision. She thinks about what she actually wants, in her life, on her terms:
- She loves her name and what it means; her grandmother chose it. She does not want to lose it.
- She also genuinely finds it tiring to correct people ten times a day, and she'd like her professional interactions to flow.
- She notices that many of her Chinese friends use an English name at work/school and their Chinese name with family and Chinese friends — and they seem neither erased nor diminished. It functions like the cultural bilingualism this whole book describes (Chapter 39): two names for two contexts, both authentic.
She lands on a solution that is hers: - She keeps Xiaoli as her name — it's on her email, and she teaches the pronunciation with a friendly one-liner: "It's Xiaoli — like 'shao-lee' — easy once you've said it once!" - For casual contexts where she wants ease, she offers "Shao," a short form of her own name (not a foreign substitute). - She does not adopt a random unrelated English name — because, for her, that felt like a loss. (Another person might choose differently, and that would be equally valid.)
The result: people learn her real name (she's patient and warm about it, which makes them try harder, not less), she has an easy short form when she wants it, and — crucially — she decided. The sting fades, because the power moved from "what others will do to my name" to "what I choose for my name."
The warmth trick (why it works). Counterintuitively, being relaxed and friendly about your name makes people try harder to learn it, while visible irritation makes them avoid using it (and avoid you). A line like "don't worry, it's tricky the first time — here's the trick…" lowers their anxiety and turns the moment into a small, pleasant exchange. Your ease gives them permission to try, fail, and try again.
The lesson
When your name doesn't fit the new culture easily, beware both pressures — the impatience that wants to rename you, and the principle that forbids you to adapt. The healthy path is neither automatic surrender nor rigid refusal but conscious choice: keep your name and teach it, offer a short form of your own name, or adopt an English name — whatever genuinely serves you. There is no betrayal in any option you freely choose, and no virtue in one imposed on you. Your name, your call.
Discussion questions
- The case names two opposite pressures on Xiaoli. Who was applying each, and why were both problematic?
- Xiaoli chose to keep her name with an optional short form. Someone else might choose a full English name. Why does the chapter call both valid?
- How does Xiaoli's solution resemble the "cultural bilingualism" from Chapter 1 (and Chapter 39)?
- Why does being warm and patient about your name tend to make people try harder to learn it?
- Is there any setting where adopting an English name is clearly the practical best choice — and does that make it any less "your" choice?
- Journal link: What is your conscious choice about your name in this culture — and is it actually a choice you made, or a default that happened to you?