Chapter 28 — Exercises

These help you navigate the Western calendar, handle invitations and gifts, share your own holidays, and plan against holiday loneliness. Sample answers for closed items follow.

A. What Would You Do?

Scenario 1: Invited to Thanksgiving

A colleague invites you to their family Thanksgiving. You: - (a) Show up empty-handed and unsure what it is. - (b) RSVP, ask "can I bring anything?" (and bring a small something), and ask what to expect — hosts love to explain. - (c) Decline because you don't know the holiday. - (d) Bring an extravagant, expensive gift.

Scenario 2: Not invited to Christmas

Colleagues are off with family for Christmas; you weren't invited to anyone's. You: - (a) Feel personally rejected and hurt. - (b) Understand many holidays are private family time — it's not a snub — and make your own plans (community, international friends, a call home). - (c) Confront a colleague about not inviting you. - (d) Isolate alone and miserable.

Scenario 3: Secret Santa

Your office does a "Secret Santa" with a $20 limit. You: - (a) Spend $200 to impress. - (b) Get a thoughtful gift around the limit; participate to build connection. - (c) Refuse rudely. - (d) Ignore the limit entirely.

Scenario 4: Your holiday

Your cultural/religious holiday is coming. You: - (a) Keep it private, assuming no one cares. - (b) Share it — invite friends, bring food, explain it; usually very welcome and connection-building. - (c) Expect colleagues to already know it. - (d) Feel it has no place here.

Scenario 5: Dietary needs at a host's holiday (new)

You're invited to a holiday meal but don't eat certain foods (pork, alcohol, etc.). You: - (a) Say nothing and quietly avoid the food, risking awkwardness. - (b) Mention it warmly in advance: "I don't eat pork or drink — but please don't go to any trouble, I'm happy with the sides." - (c) Decline the whole invitation to avoid the issue. - (d) Eat against your beliefs to be polite.

Choose and justify each. Why is Scenario 2(b) the healthy reframe? Why state dietary needs in advance (Scenario 5b)?

B. Decode This

  1. "Happy Holidays!"
  2. "Please RSVP by Friday."
  3. "We're doing a Secret Santa, $20 limit."
  4. "I think I'll regift this."
  5. "What are you doing for the holidays?"
  6. (new) "It's BYO." (at a holiday party)
  7. (new) "Feel free to bring a plus-one."

C. Translate Between Cultures

Task 1 — Reframe exclusion. You weren't invited to a colleague's holiday gathering. Write the unhealthy interpretation and the accurate reframe.

Task 2 — Share your holiday. Write a warm one-line invitation to a Western friend to celebrate one of your holidays with you (food/tradition).

Task 3 — The two-way bridge plan (new). Write your personal plan: one Western holiday invitation you'd accept (and how you'd handle RSVP, gift, dietary needs), and one of your own holidays you'd share (and how). Why does doing both build belonging more than either alone?

D. Culture-Shock Journal

  1. The calendar. Which Western holiday most confused or excluded you? What do you understand about it now?
  2. Your holidays. Which of your holidays could you share? What's held you back?
  3. Loneliness plan. If you'll be far from family at Christmas/Thanksgiving, what's your plan to avoid isolation?
  4. The collective shutdown (new). Even a holiday you don't celebrate can feel lonely because the whole society gathers at once. How will you prepare for that window in advance?

E. Ask a Local

Ask a Western friend: - "What actually happens at [Thanksgiving/Christmas]? What should I bring if invited?" - "Is it weird to not celebrate [holiday], or to celebrate my own instead?" - (new) "Would you be interested in coming to one of my culture's holidays sometime?"

Record the answer.

F. Self-Assessment

Rate 1–5: 1. I know the major holidays in my country (dates + what to do). 2. I handle invitations well (RSVP, bring something, ask). 3. I don't take non-invitations personally. 4. I share my own holidays with friends/colleagues. 5. I have a plan against holiday loneliness if far from family.

Note date and scores. (Appendix J collects the book's self-assessments; Appendix E is the holiday calendar.)

Sample Answers & Discussion

A: 1 → (b) — RSVP, bring a small something, ask what to expect; empty-handed (a) misses a courtesy, declining (c) misses connection, extravagance (d) can embarrass. 2 → (b) — many holidays are private family time, not a snub; make your own plans. 3 → (b) — gift around the limit; participate. 4 → (b) — sharing your holiday is welcome and connection-building. 5 → (b) — state dietary needs in advance (the polite move here); silence (a) creates awkwardness, declining (c) misses connection, eating against beliefs (d) is unnecessary. Why 2(b) is healthy: it correctly reads non-invitation as "family time," not rejection, and proactively prevents the acute holiday loneliness of being far from home.

B — Decode This: 1 = inclusive seasonal greeting (covers Christmas/New Year/others). 2 = please reply whether you're coming, by the date. 3 = an anonymous gift exchange with a spending limit (stick to it). 4 = passing on an unwanted gift (do discreetly). 5 = small talk about Christmas/New Year plans. 6 = bring your own drinks/food (Chapter 9). 7 = you may bring a guest/partner.

C — Task 1: Unhealthy: "They didn't invite me — they don't like me / I don't belong." Accurate: "Christmas is private family time here; not inviting friends is normal, not a snub." Task 2 model: "We're celebrating [Diwali/Eid/Lunar New Year] next week — I'd love for you to come, try the food, and see what it's about!" Task 3: doing both means you're received into their world and open yours — connection flows in both directions, which deepens belonging far more than one-way participation.

D, E, F are personal — your honest reflection is the answer.