Case Study 2 — "Bonjour" Changed Everything

This case shows how two small French essentials — the "Bonjour" ritual and a genuine attempt at the language — can transform a newcomer's entire experience from "the French are rude" to genuine warmth.

Composite: Ling, who moved from Hangzhou, China, to Paris, France.

The situation

Ling arrives in Paris and, like many newcomers, defaults to English (which she assumes educated French people speak) and gets straight to the point in interactions — entering shops and asking her question directly, skipping elaborate greetings, as efficiency suggests.

The "before"

She's met with coolness, even what feels like rudeness — shopkeepers are curt, service feels frosty, people seem unhelpful. Ling concludes what many newcomers wrongly conclude: the French are rude and unwelcoming, especially to foreigners. She feels unwelcome and a little hurt, and braces herself for every interaction.

What is actually happening

Ling has stumbled on two French essentials (this chapter; Chapter 7): 1. "Bonjour" before anything: in France, you greet ("Bonjour Madame/Monsieur") before launching into a request — every interaction, even entering a shop. Skipping the greeting and going straight to business is genuinely rude by French norms (it treats the person as a function, not a human). The "coolness" Ling met was often a response to her (unintentional) rudeness of skipping the greeting. 2. Language effort: defaulting to English without attempting French lands poorly — France protects its language fiercely, and a genuine attempt at French (even imperfect) signals respect and transforms receptions.

So "the French are rude" is largely a translation error: Ling was (unknowingly) violating a core courtesy (no "Bonjour") and a core value (no French attempt), and the "rudeness" she met was partly the French mirroring her perceived rudeness. The French aren't uniquely cold; they have a politeness ritual she wasn't performing.

The "after"

Ling learns the two essentials, and her experience flips:

  1. She says "Bonjour" first, always — greeting the shopkeeper/server/official before her request ("Bonjour Madame, ..."). The change is immediate — people warm up dramatically.
  2. She attempts French — even haltingly ("Bonjour, je voudrais..., s'il vous plaît") — and finds the effort deeply appreciated; people become helpful, patient, even charmed (and often switch to English to help her, because she tried).
  3. She matches the formality and ritual — "merci," "au revoir," Monsieur/Madame — the courtesies that oil French interactions.
  4. She reframes "rude" — recognizing the earlier coolness as a response to missing courtesies, not French hostility; the French are formal and ritual-oriented, not cold.

The transformation is striking: the same Paris that felt rude becomes warm and helpful, simply because Ling now performs the greeting ritual and tries the language. Two small habits changed everything.

Greet the person before the request (keep this). In much of Western Europe — France above all — you acknowledge the human before you ask for the thing. Walking into a shop and leading with your question (efficient by Anglophone or East-Asian-service standards) reads as treating the person as a vending machine. The fix is one word and one second: "Bonjour [Madame/Monsieur]" — then your request, then "merci, au revoir." Pair it with even a clumsy attempt at the local language, and frostiness melts into warmth. It's not that the French (or Germans, or Italians) are rude; it's that the courtesy sequence is greeting → request, not request. Get the sequence right and the whole country feels different.

The lesson

In France, two small essentials transform your experience: always say "Bonjour" before any interaction (skipping it is genuinely rude — it treats the person as a function), and attempt the language (even imperfectly — the effort is deeply appreciated and France protects its language). "The French are rude" is largely a translation error — the coolness is often a response to missing these courtesies, not hostility. Perform the greeting ritual, try French, match the formality ("merci," "Monsieur/Madame") — and the same France that felt cold becomes warm and helpful. Small courtesies, big difference.

Discussion questions

  1. Why did skipping "Bonjour" make French interactions feel cold? What does the greeting signal?
  2. Why does attempting French (even badly) transform receptions?
  3. How is "the French are rude" a translation error?
  4. The box says "greet the person before the request." Where else (which countries/situations) does that sequence matter?
  5. Journal link: If you're in (or considering) France, practice the "Bonjour + request + merci" ritual and one French phrase. For any country, what's the local courtesy that "changes everything"?