Chapter 9 — Exercises

Food carries feeling, so these exercises are about both rules and grace. Sample answers for closed items follow.

A. What Would You Do?

Scenario 1: The split bill

After dinner with three Western friends, the bill comes and someone says "Should we just split it four ways?" You: - (a) Insist on paying for everyone, and feel hurt when they refuse. - (b) Agree and pay your share, understanding this as normal fairness, not coldness. - (c) Feel the friendship is shallow because they didn't let someone host. - (d) Quietly resent it but say nothing.

Scenario 2: Dietary need at a host's home

You've been invited to dinner and you don't eat pork. You: - (a) Say nothing and quietly avoid the food, even if it gets awkward. - (b) Mention it warmly in advance: "I should mention, I don't eat pork — but please don't go to any trouble." - (c) Wait until the meal and refuse the main dish without explanation. - (d) Eat it anyway to be polite, against your beliefs.

Scenario 3: The pressed drink

At a party someone keeps offering you wine; you don't drink. You: - (a) Give in and drink to avoid awkwardness. - (b) Smile and repeat "I'm good, thanks — I don't drink," with no further explanation owed. - (c) Deliver a long defensive justification. - (d) Leave the party.

Scenario 4: The dinner invitation (new)

A colleague says "Come over for dinner at 7 on Saturday!" You: - (a) Arrive at exactly 7:00, empty-handed, expecting to eat immediately, and stay until 1am. - (b) Arrive ~7:15 with a bottle of wine, offer to help, expect to eat around 8, and leave around 10:30 with a warm thank-you. - (c) Bring a full main dish (assuming it's a potluck) without asking. - (d) Decline because you don't know the rules.

Scenario 5: Keeping your hospitality (new)

You come from a lavish host-pays culture and want to be generous with new Western friends, but they keep splitting bills. You: - (a) Keep fighting for the restaurant bill every time until they "learn." - (b) Host a big home-cooked meal from your culture, where your hospitality is welcomed by both cultures. - (c) Give up on generosity entirely and become transactional. - (d) Offer small specific treats ("this round's on me") that don't create awkward debt.

Choose and justify each. In Scenario 1, why is splitting "fairness," not coldness? In Scenario 5, why does home hospitality "fit both cultures" when restaurant-treating doesn't?

B. Decode This

  1. "Should we just split it?"
  2. "Bring a dish." / "It's a potluck."
  3. "Help yourself!" (at a buffet or someone's kitchen)
  4. "I'm good." (when offered more food)
  5. "It's my round." (at a UK pub)
  6. (new) "Can I bring anything?" — and the host says "just yourself!"
  7. (new) "We should grab dinner sometime!" (no date given)

C. Translate Between Cultures

Task 1 — Express hospitality, Western-style. You want to show generosity to Western friends, but they'll likely split the bill and decline being "treated." List three ways to be warmly hospitable that fit Western norms (e.g., hosting at home, bringing something, a specific treat) rather than fighting over the restaurant bill.

Task 2 — State a need gracefully. Write a one-line, warm way to tell a host, in advance, about each: 1. You're vegetarian. 2. You have a serious nut allergy. 3. You don't drink alcohol.

Task 3 — Decode "dinner at 7" (new). Write your own checklist for a Western home dinner invitation: arrival time, what to bring, when you'll actually eat, when to leave, and the follow-up. (Compare to Case Study 1.)

D. Culture-Shock Journal

  1. Money at the table. How does paying work in your home culture — host pays, take turns, split? How did the Western "split" first feel to you?
  2. Food as love. What does generous hospitality look like in your culture? How can you keep that gift here?
  3. Eating alone. How do you feel about the Western normality of eating alone? Comfortable, or lonely?
  4. The hidden script (new). Think of a food situation here that had rules you didn't know at first (the dinner timing, the split, the potluck). What did you learn the hard way?

E. Ask a Local

Ask a Western friend: - "When friends eat out here, do you usually split the bill or does someone treat?" - "If I'm invited to your home for dinner, what should I bring, and what time should I really arrive?" - (new) "What's the polite way to leave a dinner party — how do I know when it's time to go?"

Record the answer; compare to the chapter.

F. Self-Assessment

Rate 1–5: 1. I'm comfortable splitting a bill without taking it personally. 2. I state dietary needs clearly (and never hide allergies). 3. I can decline alcohol comfortably, without over-explaining. 4. I know what to bring and when to arrive for a home dinner. 5. I keep my own hospitality alive (hosting, sharing, cooking for others).

Note date and scores. (Appendix J collects the book's self-assessments.)

Sample Answers & Discussion

A: 1 → (b) — splitting reflects fairness and independence (no one indebted), not stinginess; insisting on paying (a) can make others uncomfortable, and reading it as shallow (c) is a translation error. 2 → (b) — stating needs in advance is the polite move here; silence (a/c) creates awkwardness and eating against your beliefs (d) is unnecessary. 3 → (b) — "I don't drink" needs no justification; a calm repeat ends pressure. 4 → (b) — the full "dinner at 7" script (Case Study 1): slightly late, bring something, eat ~an hour in, leave by ~10:30, thank them. 5 → (b)/(d) — host at home (welcomed by both cultures) and offer small specific treats; fighting the bill (a) creates the very awkwardness Western fairness avoids.

B — Decode This: 1 = divide the cost (normal among peers). 2 = everyone brings food to share — ask what to bring. 3 = "serve yourself, take what you like." 4 = "no thank you" (a polite decline of more). 5 = it's your turn to buy drinks for the group (UK rounds) — or opt out up front. 6 = bring a small something anyway (wine/dessert/flowers); "just yourself" is politeness, not a literal instruction. 7 = a friendly signal, not a plan — propose a specific day to make it real (Chapter 7).

C — Task 1 models: host a meal at your home; bring wine/dessert/flowers when invited; offer a specific treat ("let me get the coffees"); cook something from your culture for friends. Task 2 models: (1) "Just so you know, I'm vegetarian — happy with whatever sides work, please don't fuss." (2) "I have to flag a serious nut allergy — even traces. Thank you for understanding." (3) "I don't drink, but I'd love some sparkling water — thanks!" Task 3: the model checklist is Case Study 1's ten rules in brief — arrive ~7:15, bring wine, offer help, eat ~8, leave ~10:30, thank + reciprocate.

D, E, F are personal — your honest reflection is the answer.