Chapter 8 — Exercises
Personal space is learned through the body, but you can train the rules consciously first. Sample answers for closed items follow.
A. What Would You Do?
Scenario 1: The retreat dance
In conversation, your Western colleague keeps stepping back as you talk. You: - (a) Keep closing the gap to stay at your comfortable distance. - (b) Notice you may be inside their personal zone, and settle at about arm's length without following them. - (c) Feel offended that they keep backing away. - (d) Conclude they dislike you.
Scenario 2: The queue
You're in a hurry and see a short gap near the front of a coffee line. You: - (a) Slip into the gap — it's just a few seconds. - (b) Join at the back and wait your turn. - (c) Ask the person at the front if you can go ahead because you're busy. - (d) Stand ambiguously to the side and hope to merge in.
Scenario 3: Friendly touch at work
You're from a high-contact culture and naturally touch people's arms while talking. A colleague seems to tense up. You: - (a) Keep doing it — it's just friendly. - (b) Dial it back in professional settings, keeping touch to handshakes, while saving warmth for close friends. - (c) Stop touching anyone ever, feeling ashamed. - (d) Decide Westerners are cold and unfriendly.
Scenario 4: The accidental cut (new)
You step up to a counter and someone says sharply, "Excuse me — there's a queue!" You genuinely didn't see a line. You: - (a) Argue that you were there first / didn't see it. - (b) Say "Oh — so sorry, I didn't see the queue!" and go to the back. - (c) Get defensive and stay where you are. - (d) Leave, mortified and resentful.
Scenario 5: The too-quiet train (new)
On a Western commuter train, it's near-silent — people read, look at phones, don't talk to strangers. You're used to lively, chatty public transit. You: - (a) Strike up loud conversations and play music aloud. - (b) Match the quiet norm (low voice, headphones, no loud calls) while you're learning the setting. - (c) Conclude everyone is depressed and antisocial. - (d) Notice this is a privacy/space norm, not coldness, and respect it.
Choose and justify each using proxemics, queue culture, and high/low-contact norms. Why does an instant "sorry" (Scenario 4b) defuse the anger so fast?
B. Decode This
What is the message behind each? 1. A person steps back when you step forward in conversation. 2. "Can you give me a little space?" 3. Someone in an elevator faces forward, silent, watching the numbers. 4. A sharp "Excuse me — there's a line!" 5. Someone offering their bus seat to a pregnant passenger. 6. (new) A person putting a bag on the empty seat beside them on a quiet train. 7. (new) Someone leaving a full urinal/sink gap or an empty seat between themselves and a stranger.
C. Translate Between Cultures
Task 1 — Calibrate warmth. You want to show a Western colleague you like and appreciate them, but you're from a high-contact culture. List three non-touch ways to express that warmth that work well in a low-touch Western workplace.
Task 2 — Read the distance. A Western friend stands a bit further from you than feels natural and doesn't touch you much. Write (a) the misreading (what it might wrongly feel like) and (b) the accurate reading (what it actually means).
Task 3 — The repair line (new). Write your ready, sincere one-liner for an accidental queue-cut, and one for accidentally standing too close. Why does signaling "I wasn't claiming superiority" matter more than the apology's exact words?
D. Culture-Shock Journal
- Your bubble. What conversational distance feels natural to you? How does it compare to the Western "arm's length"? Where have you felt the mismatch?
- Touch. How much casual touch is normal in your home culture? How does the Western default feel — comfortable, or cold?
- The queue. Have you witnessed (or triggered) a queue conflict? What happened?
- What the bubble costs (new). The chapter's Honesty Box names touch-deprivation as a real Western cost. Have you noticed it (e.g., in how rarely men touch, how isolated elderly people can be)? How will you keep healthy touch in your own life?
E. Ask a Local
Ask a Western friend: - "Is there an unwritten rule about elevators or public transit here that foreigners often miss?" - "How strict are people about lines/queues here?" - (new) "How close is too close when you're talking to someone here?"
Record the answer.
F. Self-Assessment
Rate 1–5: 1. I keep about an arm's length in friendly conversation. 2. I let others set the distance and don't "chase" when they step back. 3. I keep touch minimal in professional settings. 4. I always join queues at the back. 5. I follow elevator/transit etiquette (face forward, quiet, give up seats).
Note date and scores. (Appendix J collects the book's self-assessments.)
Sample Answers & Discussion
A: 1 → (b) — stepping back signals you're in their personal zone; settle at arm's length and stop chasing (a creates the awkward dance; c/d misread a space difference as personal rejection). 2 → (b) — join at the back; cutting (a/c/d) violates the near-sacred fairness/equality of the queue and can provoke real anger. 3 → (b) — dial back touch in professional settings (keep handshakes), preserve warmth for close friends; (a) ignores discomfort, (c)/(d) over-correct or misjudge. 4 → (b) — an instant sincere "sorry, I didn't see the queue" signals you weren't claiming superiority, which is what the anger was really about. 5 → (b)/(d) — match the quiet norm; it's a privacy/space norm, not depression or coldness.
B — Decode This: 1 = you're standing too close for their comfort; give space. 2 = a direct request for more distance — honor it. 3 = normal elevator etiquette (not rudeness). 4 = you've cut the queue, accidentally or not — apologize and go to the back. 5 = ordinary transit courtesy (offering seats to those who need them). 6 = a (mild) signal of wanting space; if the train fills, you may politely ask them to move it. 7 = the "buffer" instinct — maximizing personal space when possible; normal, not hostile.
C — Task 1 models: specific verbal appreciation ("I really value working with you"), a warm smile and eye contact, remembering details about them and asking, doing small helpful acts, a genuine compliment, written thanks. Task 2: (a) misreading: "they're cold / don't like me / are holding me at a distance." (b) accurate: it's the normal, larger Western personal bubble and low-touch default — respect for autonomy, not rejection. Task 3: the repair works because the offense was about meaning ("I matter more than you"), so signaling the opposite ("I wasn't claiming that — my mistake") matters more than the exact words.
D, E, F are personal — your honest reflection is the answer.