Chapter 23 — Exercises

These help you build a social life proactively and stay safe and supported. Sample answers for closed items follow.

A. What Would You Do?

Scenario 1: The lonely Friday

Two months in, you're often alone while others seem connected. You: - (a) Wait for friendships to form naturally, as they did at home. - (b) Join 2–3 clubs/activities and show up consistently — friendships form through shared activities here. - (c) Conclude something's wrong with you. - (d) Stay in and assume it won't change.

Scenario 2: The party

You're invited to a campus party; you don't drink. You: - (a) Skip all social events because you don't drink. - (b) Go, hold a soda, socialize, watch out for yourself and friends — you can socialize without drinking. - (c) Feel you must drink to fit in. - (d) Decide parties aren't for you and isolate entirely.

Scenario 3: Struggling and isolated

The loneliness is getting heavy. You: - (a) Hide it and push through alone. - (b) Use the resources — international student office, counseling, your cultural community — and reach out. - (c) Assume nothing can help. - (d) Consider quitting.

Scenario 4: Making the first move

You'd like to befriend a classmate. You: - (a) Wait for them to invite you. - (b) Propose something specific: "Want to grab coffee or study together this week?" - (c) Hint vaguely and hope. - (d) Do nothing.

Scenario 5: Showing up once (new)

You went to a club meeting once, didn't instantly click with anyone, and felt like an outsider. You: - (a) Conclude the club isn't for you and never return. - (b) Go back several more times — friendships form through repeated contact, and the first time is always the hardest. - (c) Decide you're bad at this. - (d) Keep "trying" new clubs once each, never returning to any.

Choose and justify each. Why does "waiting" (1a) fail in the West? Why does showing up once (5a) rarely work?

B. Decode This

  1. "You should get involved."
  2. "Are you going to rush?"
  3. "Check the students' union." (UK)
  4. "Talk to your RA."
  5. "It's Freshers' Week."
  6. (new) "Want to join our study group?"
  7. (new) "There's an activities fair on Wednesday."

C. Translate Between Cultures

Task 1 — From waiting to building. You're used to social life arriving via family/hometown networks. Write three concrete proactive steps to build a social life from scratch here.

Task 2 — Party safety plan. Write a short personal plan for staying safe at a campus party (drinking optional), covering: going with friends, drinks, limits, getting home, consent.

Task 3 — The consistency plan (new). Pick one club/activity and write a commitment: which one, how often you'll attend, and for how many weeks before judging whether it's working. Why does naming a number of times matter?

D. Culture-Shock Journal

  1. Loneliness. Are you experiencing the international-student loneliness? Where are you on the U-curve?
  2. Waiting vs. joining. Have you been waiting for friends, or joining activities? What's one thing you could join?
  3. Home vs. here. How did your social life form back home? Why doesn't that mechanism work automatically here?
  4. The misread (new). Have you thought "what's wrong with me?" about the loneliness? Reframe it as a systemic difference (different friendship mechanism), not a personal flaw.

E. Ask a Local

Ask a classmate: - "How did you make your friends here?" - "What clubs or events would you recommend for meeting people?" - (new) "How long did it take you to feel settled and connected here?"

Record the answer — note how often "joining things" comes up.

F. Self-Assessment

Rate 1–5: 1. I've joined at least one club/activity and attend consistently. 2. I reach out proactively (propose specific plans). 3. I'm connected to international-student / cultural community. 4. I know and use campus resources (intl office, counseling). 5. I can socialize safely (with or without alcohol).

Note date and scores. (Appendix J collects the book's self-assessments.)

Sample Answers & Discussion

A: 1 → (b) — join activities and show up; waiting (a/d) leaves you lonely, and (c) misreads a system issue as a personal flaw. 2 → (b) — you can socialize without drinking; skipping all events (a/d) isolates you. 3 → (b) — use resources and reach out; hiding (a/c) makes it worse. 4 → (b) — propose something specific; waiting/hinting (a/c/d) rarely works. 5 → (b) — go back repeatedly; friendships form through repeated contact, and "try once, never return" (a/d) prevents the consistency that builds them. Why 1a fails: in the West, friendships form through activities and initiative, not inherited networks — so waiting produces isolation, not connection.

B — Decode This: 1 = join clubs/activities. 2 = will you try out for a fraternity/sorority? (US). 3 = the UK student hub for clubs/events/support. 4 = your dorm-floor Resident Advisor (a help resource). 5 = the first-year welcome/club-joining week. 6 = a genuine, friendly invitation — say yes (and a great low-pressure way to connect). 7 = the place to sign up for clubs — go and join 2–3.

C — Task 1 model: (1) go to the activity fair and sign up for 2–3 clubs; (2) join the international student org and your cultural association; (3) propose specific plans to classmates (coffee, study group) and attend campus events. Task 2 model: "I'll go with friends and leave with them; watch my own drink; set a limit (or not drink); keep my phone charged and know my ride home; respect and expect consent; check on my friends." Task 3: naming a number (e.g., "attend 4 times before judging") prevents the "try once, give up" trap and gives consistency time to work.

D, E, F are personal — your honest reflection is the answer.